


We Three Queens of Alternative Are...

by GrumpkinVicky



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, F/M, Gift Exchange, Hymns, Not Canon Compliant, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-18 22:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22034350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrumpkinVicky/pseuds/GrumpkinVicky
Summary: For the lovely alicy_sunberg33 as part of a secret Santa exchange.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	We Three Queens of Alternative Are...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alicy_sunberg33](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alicy_sunberg33/gifts).



Where the three very different women appeared from, no one was quite sure. The Breach had been difficult, in the way that a stone in the shoe is a nuisance when you have gangrene in said foot. The Breach had been, not sealed, but it had been abated and there was much celebration happening in the event of this occurrence.

“She awake yet?” The female dwarf asked, carrying a small child on her hip who was busy staring round.

“Uh, sorry?” The gate guard looked around as the other female, a very very tall female indeed muttered something that sounded like, “can I kill him?”

“The Herald, is she awake yet?”

“Uh, the Herald Ma’am?” the dwarf looked like a Ma’am, he could feel it in his bones, the same way that the very tall woman was most definitely a Miss.

“We got here too early, Korrigan…” The dwarf tutted at the small child, who pulled out a plum from the dwarfs bosom.

“I told you that you should have checked first, you know I’m missing out on several dates for this.” 

“Thanks, just - Milly did you bring any money with you?”

“I brought the wheel.”

“Did you bring any coin with you?”

“Uh - you guard person, what currency are you currently using?” 

“Never mind, just tell me, when did they bring her down all unconscious?” the dwarf turned her attention away from Milly to the guard.

“How did you know Ma’am, I think I need to get the Nightingale.” He was looking panicked as Milly threw her hands up in the air.

“You know what Korrigan did to hers…” Milly muttered to the dwarf who wrinkled her nose.

“True, and she’ll be all dark still, uh - the old herb masters place - the one round the corner. Send her to see us there, she can bring Cassandra and Cullen - you never met Cullen did you, Milly, you’ll like him, he’s built like Alistair.”

The gate guard stared as the three women walked off through the training camp in the direction of where she’d said they would be. He was not looking forward to explaining any of this to the Nightingale. Not one bit.

“I know neither of you like it, but I spent ages on this after Korrigan suggested we come here.” The three leaders had made their way sharply round to the cabin, leaving armed guards on the newly named Herald who was still fast asleep.

“It’s a Muggle song.”

“It was a Muggle song, yes, but now it’s not. Korrigan don’t pull that face.”

“See, Korrigan doesn’t want to sing songs from people who victimise us either.”

“Korrigan doesn’t give two hoots. Korrigan, you get one fountain, only one. This is not your Thedas, you have your Thedas. This is Ashera’s Thedas.” 

“Well I don’t want to sing it, it’s beneath me.”

“Play your cards right, and providing that Korrigan doesn’t try and replace her Cullen, you’ll have a nice strapping man beneath you. From what we can gather the chances are high he’s pretty good too.” Cullen blushed as the two other women gave him a look.

“The Nightingale listens to the sweet song.”

“It’s about time…” the one who wasn’t Milly nor Korrigan sounded exasperated.

It took no little persuasion on the dwarfs part to get them to not attempt to kill any of them. 

“Look, you can’t kill Korrigan, as in you actually can’t. And the same for Milly, you can kill me, however I’ll just go back to sleep my end and reappear, but in the meantime I don’t trust either of my two reprobates to not slaughter you all. Not in retaliation, but because they were bored.” 

“Noble Galahad,” the small toddler who was now sporting wings had started to climb Cullen, with Milly looking peevish.

“Vicky said he was mine.”

“I said no such thing, I said she might try. Anyway, we’ll be here for a few days nice and quiet, not even a peep of a mouse from us until your Herald awakes.” Vicky said, smiling nicely at the three Inquisition members.

“The Korrigan could heal her,” Korrigan said, dropping a crown on Cullen’s head as Milly glared.

“Yes, like you healed your Cadash, you are not staying here for a hundred years.” Vicky pulled Korrigan off Cullen and plonked her firmly on her hip.

“Millicent, only gods can call me Milly.” Millicent held her hand out to the man.

“She’s awake, the Heralds awake!” the door was opened to the eager scout, who was most likely looking for Cullen than the trio of weird women who had taken up residence.

“Great, we’ll be right up.” Vicky was the only one in evidence and had answered the door.

“Uh, the Commander needs to come too.”

“Yeah, the Commander will be right with us…” If Korrigan wasn’t crawling all over him, Milly was. Vicky spent her time keeping the peace between the two beings who had both taken very different shines to the man.

“Yes, Ma’am.” She waited long enough for the scout to get out of range before she went and pulled Millicent out of the bed by her ear.

“You, wash now. Commander, you could also do with a wash unless you want to smell like you’ve spent the last three days in a brothel. Korrigan you need to change into clean clothes. I need to practice the song again. You all know where your gifts are?” Korrigan made a noise, which meant nothing. Korrigan liked to ignore Vicky, in the same way that Milly did. 

“UP!” Vicky clapped her hands together as none of them made any movement.

“Yes mum…” Milly mumbled into Cullen’s flushed chest. Cullen at least had the grace to look embarrassed by the situation.

“I’ll tan your backside if you don’t get to it…” 

The Commander smelt sweet, like flowers, thanks to the new crown that Korrigan had gifted him. Milly also smelled of flowers, very powerful ones that made her glare at the tiny woman. Korrigan had been wrestled into a new dress, and Vicky had managed a very fast braid, before resting her comfortably on her hip.

“Now what do we say Korrigan?” Vicky asked again after the mulish expression appeared on Korrigan’s face.

“Dread Wolf.” 

“I mean, we could,” Milly said nodding. “You are gifting the knowledge anyway.”

“What?” Cullen asked, confused.

“Nothing for you to worry about.” Vicky smiled at him nicely.

“No, what we say is, nice to meet you Herald Ashera.”

“I mean the poor girls going to have a shit of a time,” Milly continued on blithely.

“How do you mean?” Cullen asked looking between the women with growing concern.

“Absolutely nothing for you to worry about at all,” Vicky answered

“See, that doesn’t make me worry less,” Cullen replied.

“Just wait, it’ll be fine, and then after the whole gift-giving we can go back to the cabin and uh have goodbye sex.” Milly ran her hand down his chest.

“What?” Cullen asked, “Goodbye?”

“You really don’t want us to stay much longer, believe me. Milly has stuff she needs to do where she’s from, and Korrigan can’t be trusted.” Vicky answered before Milly could upset the birds more. “You ready?”

“Do we have to?” Milly asked as they entered the village walls lined with people.

“Yes, yes we do. I worked really hard on this.” Vicky said for the third time that day.

“Fine, I guess you did fix the whole Korrigan blocking thing for me.” Milly had the same mulish expression that Korrigan did, who had tried to wriggle out of Vicky’s grip constantly since they’d entered the village.

“Alright, so, blah blah blah, doors open - look they are opening - and there she is. Looks a bit… she’ll do.” Vicky gave the new herald an appraising look.

“She’s short.”

“Everyone’s short to you, she isn’t that short, I would say she’s tall.”

“That’s because you are a Dorf,”

“Thanks. Are you ready to sing?” Vicky stepped forward, the Commander slinking round the crowd to appear with his fellow advisors as if he had always been there, if not with several huge love bites.

_“We three Queens of Alternative are  
Bearing gifts, we travelled real far,  
Field and fountain,  
Forest and mountain,  
Following yonder Breach” _

It took Vicky a whole four words to find she was the only one singing. And that everyone was staring. “I hate you both.” She hissed before carrying on regardless. 

_“Oh Breach of horror, Breach of fright  
Breach made with pseudo godly might,  
Skyhold leading,  
Fade bleeding,  
Because of an idiots fight._

_Made a herald on Haven’s plain  
Wheel we bring to wealth her again  
Herald forever, until Inquisitever  
Over the Inquisitain_

_Oh Breach of horror, Breach of fright  
Breach made with pseudo godly might,  
Skyhold leading,  
Fade bleeding,  
Because of an idiots fight._

_Fountain to offer has Korrigan  
Sweet waters from the old one  
Fish a leaping, waters seeping  
Worship her with peril aplomb _

_Oh Breach of horror, Breach of fright  
Breach made with pseudo godly might,  
Skyhold leading,  
Fade bleeding,  
Because of an idiots fight._

_Guide is mine, with knowledge of gloom  
Offers life hope in this weird doom  
Reading, writing,  
Healing, fighting  
So you don’t get sealed in a tomb_

_Oh Breach of horror, Breach of fright  
Breach made with pseudo godly might,  
Skyhold leading,  
Fade bleeding,  
Because of an idiots fight._

_Glorious now behold her arise  
Herald, Inquisitor and Sacrifice,  
Haven sings Maker’s Bride  
Andraste, the world replies_

_Oh Breach of horror, Breach of fright  
Breach made with pseudo godly might,  
Skyhold leading,  
Fade bleeding,  
Because of an idiots fight.” _

“Herald Ashera, we are three travellers from Alternative realities come to bring gifts of wealth, health and knowledge to aid you in your time of need. May I present Korrigan, the Oldest of her kind, the only one of her Kind. Millicent, the Hag Queen who is a Mistress of Death itself, and myself Vicky, a humble god of Pragmatism.” Milly winked at Cullen who’d paled.

“I bring a wheel that when used by only those taught the sacred way will spin simple straw into gold. May your coffers flow and your enemies fall before you.” Millicent pulled out a large spinning wheel that she placed carefully in front of the tall thin woman. “A word of warning to any who may try and steal it from you, or try and coerce, there is a curse to turn them to dust.”

“Korrigan has created a fountain that will spill it’s waters down from the mountain to the village. Its waters will be sweet and refreshing, and full of fat succulent fish. A word of warning to all who are listening. The Korrigan is graceful and fair, but she has her own world. You do not want her in yours.” Vicky spoke for Korrigan, handing her some fruit as for a moment the small female looked more like a demon.

“And my gift is a guide of prophecies written in a different world by seers who honed their talents. It is to be used with caution, and can only be trusted to the Herald, she will be the only one who will be able to read it so that she may truly be the Mistress of her own destiny.” Milly mumbled a spell beneath her breath and the Herald glowed for a moment as the book was handed over.

“We will stay and feast this night, by the morrow we will be gone.” Milly looked at Vicky who shrugged, she had no idea what she was saying any more, it had seemed like a great idea.

“Yes, we need to meet the fine men and women, like the Commander who will make the Inquisition succeed!” Milly decided now was the time to help, and it had nothing to do with claiming him before Korrigan could.

“Noble Galahad!” Korrigan suddenly perked up as Milly moved quickly to grab him before Korrigan made a break for it for her favourite man.

“That was some entrance,”

“Thanks, Varric, you have no idea who I am, do you…” Vicky said, holding firmly to the squirming Korrigan who was now very determined.

“The prophecy mentions me?” He perked up.

“Snurri!”

“Not your Snurri Korrigan, why don’t you say hello to this versions Puck though.” Who looked like he was trying to slip away in the crowd.

“Chuckles, come meet the gods!” Varric called to him, as Vicky waved at the Herald.

“I mean, we’re all gods here, aren’t we Solas.” Vicky couldn’t help herself.

“Poor Puck,” Korrigan pawed at his tunic with a suspiciously sticky hand, as Vicky finally allowed her to go down.

“Herald, we have one more gift, when all hope is lost, when you find yourself in the world of floating rocks and spindly legs, call for us, we will come,” Vicky whispered in her ear. “Pragmatism, Korrigan and Millicent.” 

“They’ll never believe this shit,” Varric muttered to Solas as the three women stepped into the Breach in the early hours of the morning the stars still just twinkling. Milly had to be peeled off Cullen as she tried to take him with her, Vicky had handed her a bottle of wine in exchange for his release.

“Which part do you find the most unbelievable, Master Tethras?”

“Curly bedding a god. I think that’s the bit that no one will believe.”

**Author's Note:**

> Will happily write you something else if you want after ;) I couldn't get the song out of my head, however. Also apologies for the song, I think it's brill - or some of it is. But then I also think some rubbish stuff is amazing too.


End file.
